Putting It Off…Forever?

There are a few things I don’t like to deal with because of significant anxiety. These things range from mild concern that can be talked through all the way up to fear-cowered small ball of worry-shriveling death. In no particular order:

  • Planning a vacation
  • Visiting family
  • Spending large amounts of money
  • Using shared facilities at work
  • Major house changes
  • Going through my (snail) mail
  • Calling people
  • Getting a haircut
  • Maintenance of any sort, really

There are probably more situations, but these are the ones that come to mind. None of them are very surprising or uncommon. I jus wish I could be better at handling them. Usually, they all involve me being unprepared, having done little or no research or not thinking about things that will affect me in some distant future (1 month or more). Everytime I approach one of these things the overwhelming enormity of them just kind of freezes me. It’s always easy to just ignore them and go do something I’m comfortable with, like stay at home, or eat at a cafe alone, or live with white walls and carpet forever. These actions are passive and fun and simple.

It’s the little thoughts in the back of my head, or the shared felicity of the two people in the marriage I am in, or the simple pragmatism of conservation of energy that will make me feel guilty for looking the other way. There’s always other forces to consider, even if I really just want to go back to my own personal haven.

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I have no solution for this sometimes agonizing affliction. Looks like typing this all out wasn’t as therapeutic as I thought it would be. I WANT MY MONEY BACK INTERNET.

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